Should we prevent children from bickering and pushing each other?

“Should we stop children from roughhousing?” This is a question all educators and parents face. Adults don't like to see children roughhousing because they're afraid they'll get hurt or that it will turn into a “real fight.” Yet, roughhousing is beneficial for toddlers' development. This new episode of the “Tell Me” series is here to answer your main questions:

• What is the difference between a battle game and a real fight?
  
• In What is educational about battle games?

What the video tells us

A group of 4-year-old children are playing on the slide: they push and squabble under the watchful eye of the educator who ensures that there are no excesses.

Why was this situation filmed?

Whether you're a professional or a parent, it's important to be able to distinguish between constructive play and roughhousing. This video aims to help you develop your practices and perspective on this type of play.

Tell me… should we stop children from bickering and pushing each other?

Roughhousing and play-fighting are a source of enjoyment for both girls and boys. Their interest in these games typically emerges around the age of two, when they learn to gauge and control their strength. Roughhousing is a fun activity where two children playfully squabble with open hands and both emerge victorious.

Distinguishing between a battle game and a real fight

Before intervening, the adult should carefully observe the situation to distinguish between play fighting and a real fight. In play fighting, all the children laugh and smile because they are having fun; in a real fight, one of the children loses control of their emotions and actions. In a real fight, one child dominates, which takes away the enjoyment of playing for the others.

The battle game, a stage of development

Some parents believe that roughhousing or play-fighting can lead to fights, which is rarely the case. On the contrary, children enjoy play-fighting: it helps them learn to control their impulsiveness and avoid hurting each other. Adults can even join in the game, moderating their strength and letting the children take the lead – thus becoming role models for them.  

How to support the child?

• Observe the children to ensure that it is a game in which everyone has fun.
  
• When one of the children always has the upper hand or isn't having fun, separate them.
  
• If the battle game turns into a fight, separate the children and remind them of the rules, not the prohibitions!
  
• If you are an educator, pass the information on to the parents so that the child has continuity in the support of their development.
  

To go further

• THE battle games allow for social learning such as self-control, a sense of reciprocity, and appropriate behavior with peers. 
  
• A child who participates in Battle games will rely less on physical aggression. ().
  
• THE war games are very popular with children around 3 years old. As part of a playful activity where the child enjoys themselves: these games are symbolic because they allow children to learn to manage anxiety, develop cooperation and imagination. 
  
• You can also watch again Professor Grégory Michel's presentation on aggression in young children as part of the Early Childhood and Parenthood Train: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh8zhulucVQ)
  

Learn more about the video's creator

The association Ensemble pour l'Education de la Petite Enfance (Together for Early Childhood Education) supports early childhood professional teams through training and practice analysis. More information at [website address]  www.eduensemble.org

Our articles on the same topic

• How can we help a child better manage their emotions?
• Emotions in children
• Why can't the child control their anger?
• Why is sharing so difficult when you are very young?